Others choose to stay in their marriages because of different reasons other than the main reason for getting married in the first place – love
Why do couples fall apart and go separate ways or divorce? Divorced coupled most times admit they failed in maintaining love for someone they vowed to love which is one of the most awful things ever.
While others choose to stay in their marriages because of different reasons other than the main reason for getting married in the first place – love. Margaret Rutherford of The Good Men Projectlists 7 logical reasons why couples aren’t happy in their marriages:
1. Maybe you are hanging on to resentment: Forgiveness is essential in a long-term relationship. I know I have both given it, and received it in my own.
2. Maybe the two of you have ignored your relationship:You have put the children or your job first. Always. This is such a common mistake. It’s easily justified. “I need to make money so we can send the kids to college.” “I am so busy getting the kids to all their activities, I don’t have time to do anything else.” “I am incredibly tired after working all day…” Marriage can’t take a back seat. It will die a slow death. You have to give time to each other.
3. Maybe you are not happy with yourself:This is hard to see. Especially if you become attracted to someone else. Then it really gets messy. And painful. Affairs are frequently about believing that someone else holds the power to make your life what you have always thought it could be. Well guess what? You actually hold that power. You have to confront in yourself what perhaps you don’t want to admit. It could very well be about you. You have issues from the past that are governing you. You are struggling with your own worth or insecurities. You aren’t who you thought you would be or you are struggling with getting older. Perhaps it is your marriage but these things need to be considered carefully.
4. You don’t touch each other. Literally:We all may watch a lot of sex in movies and on TV. But there are lots of folks who are too worn out from their daily lives to even hold one another. They forget that touching and making love are ways to connect and re-energize in a unique way. You can learn that again. It may be awkward but it’s possible. Initially, it was new and exciting. Lust/love is what I call it. Now it may be more intentional.
5. Maybe you haven’t laughed in a long time. Together:I have listened to many people struggle and fight. When they can, at the end of a session, laugh about something, I feel much more optimistic about whether or not they will make it. There’s something positive connecting them.
6. You don’t have anything you are striving for together:This happens when people don’t talk. Don’t realize the importance of having a common goal. Whether it’s work in your community, in a church, in your own lives. That goal brings fresh excitement and a sense of purpose to a marriage. What are the two of you about? What do you care about together? Important questions to answer.
7. You have not accepted the loss nor appreciated the gain:If you have been together for a while, in all likelihood, you have had experiences that have “de-romanticized” your partner. To say the least. You have seen them really sick. Green at the gills. Or pouting. Or irritable. And they have hurt you. Or disappointed you. And you, them. They have lost that rock-star quality they had at the beginning for sure. You have been through life together. Instead, there can exist a depth of feeling and experience that is irreplaceable. To be treasured. But it can’t be new again. It simply can’t. That has to be realized. Accepted. And appreciated.
Why do couples fall apart and go separate ways or divorce? Divorced coupled most times admit they failed in maintaining love for someone they vowed to love which is one of the most awful things ever.
While others choose to stay in their marriages because of different reasons other than the main reason for getting married in the first place – love. Margaret Rutherford of The Good Men Projectlists 7 logical reasons why couples aren’t happy in their marriages:
1. Maybe you are hanging on to resentment: Forgiveness is essential in a long-term relationship. I know I have both given it, and received it in my own.
2. Maybe the two of you have ignored your relationship:You have put the children or your job first. Always. This is such a common mistake. It’s easily justified. “I need to make money so we can send the kids to college.” “I am so busy getting the kids to all their activities, I don’t have time to do anything else.” “I am incredibly tired after working all day…” Marriage can’t take a back seat. It will die a slow death. You have to give time to each other.
3. Maybe you are not happy with yourself:This is hard to see. Especially if you become attracted to someone else. Then it really gets messy. And painful. Affairs are frequently about believing that someone else holds the power to make your life what you have always thought it could be. Well guess what? You actually hold that power. You have to confront in yourself what perhaps you don’t want to admit. It could very well be about you. You have issues from the past that are governing you. You are struggling with your own worth or insecurities. You aren’t who you thought you would be or you are struggling with getting older. Perhaps it is your marriage but these things need to be considered carefully.
4. You don’t touch each other. Literally:We all may watch a lot of sex in movies and on TV. But there are lots of folks who are too worn out from their daily lives to even hold one another. They forget that touching and making love are ways to connect and re-energize in a unique way. You can learn that again. It may be awkward but it’s possible. Initially, it was new and exciting. Lust/love is what I call it. Now it may be more intentional.
5. Maybe you haven’t laughed in a long time. Together:I have listened to many people struggle and fight. When they can, at the end of a session, laugh about something, I feel much more optimistic about whether or not they will make it. There’s something positive connecting them.
6. You don’t have anything you are striving for together:This happens when people don’t talk. Don’t realize the importance of having a common goal. Whether it’s work in your community, in a church, in your own lives. That goal brings fresh excitement and a sense of purpose to a marriage. What are the two of you about? What do you care about together? Important questions to answer.
7. You have not accepted the loss nor appreciated the gain:If you have been together for a while, in all likelihood, you have had experiences that have “de-romanticized” your partner. To say the least. You have seen them really sick. Green at the gills. Or pouting. Or irritable. And they have hurt you. Or disappointed you. And you, them. They have lost that rock-star quality they had at the beginning for sure. You have been through life together. Instead, there can exist a depth of feeling and experience that is irreplaceable. To be treasured. But it can’t be new again. It simply can’t. That has to be realized. Accepted. And appreciated.
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