The other day, I was watching a discussion on TV about how to deal with difficult mothers in law and a lady said that she would prefer her mother in law dead before she gets married. Like seriously?
Ladies don’t always like the mention of mothers in law because they feel threatened by them. And actually, many mothers in law are always finding fault in their daughters in law. They are not easily impressed. This issue sometimes ago raised the debate question ‘who owns the man, mother or wife?”. The point mothers in law are trying to make is that they gave birth to and nurtured the man you call your husband while the wives also want to prove the point that the man now belongs to them because the day they got married, they became one and hence belong to each other.
This does not apply to only African mothers in law. Even the oyinbos complain about them too. The truth is that you will be at the losing end if you don’t learn to cope with the excesses of your mother in law. Couples divorce but families hardly do. So, these points I will be mentioning below will go a long way in helping those that have been doing google searches on ‘how to impress/cope with my mother in law’.
1. Lower your expectations of your mother in law Knowing that mothers in law are unpredictable, expect the worse from them. By so doing, you would not be shocked at any strange doings by your mother in law. I am not promoting the fallacy of poisoning the well but when you equip yourself with the general belief that a mother in law could give you hell, then you will try avoid being shown hell.
2. Do not take her criticism personal:
A mother in law could make you believe that you are not good for her son. She could undermine you in front of your husband and kids.
She could really pose as a threat in your home in a case of delayed child birth. The thing is that you have to remain focused on strengthening your marriage rather than thinking through all her criticisms. At no point should you try to pick quarrel with her. Avoid the fire-for-fire approach.
3. Communication:
Do not be the type of daughter in law that doesn’t ask after her husbands family. If you would want to have it cool with your mother in law, always call her on phone in a case she’s far away. And if she’s near, find time to to pay her visits and don’t forget to go with petty gifts. By so doing, you are buying her over.
4. Encourage your husband in giving both financial and moral care to his parents:
Some wives are only concerned about their own family forgetting that their husbands family exist. Your mother in law or any other person from your husband’s family won’t have any problem with you if they know that you have not tried to monopolize your husband’s income. Always remind your husband to care for his parents before they think that its your people you packing the money to.
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